George Santos’ history of lying has been exposed. He’s lied a lot. Sometimes to improve his appearance, sometimes as a call for sympathy and, at times, he’s lied for no real reason at all, like about his heritage. And it seems all too familiar to me, a recovering compulsive liar, suffering from an assortment of mental health disorders.
Despite his tall tales, Santos is due to be sworn in as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives as soon as the House elects a new speaker. Like me, he’s made up accolades and work history — he even made up an organization he’s fundraised for that didn’t exist. (I fabricated being the recipient of a national award that didn’t exist.)
Also like me, Santos probably has the chops for the job without having created the fabrications. The webs he spun were so intricate they put even me in awe — spinning that silk takes an enormous amount of creativity, development, energy and drive. And then, you live with it, like it’s happened, until you’re not sure what reality is anymore. In many ways, Santos and I are two sides of the same coin.
Santos enters into a public leadership role after holding other successful positions, excluding those he’s fabricated. I’ve been there, done that. He and I have both destroyed the trust of the general public who pay our salaries. And as a pair, we see that the world seems more interested in damning our actions rather than exploring a psychological perspective.
Now, granted, I chose to resign and address my mental health. For me, that made the most sense. I finally saw the catastrophic damage the lies were causing for me in my life and committed to change — to live an authentic life. Santos has only commented remorse and regret for his embellishments, and has taken on the job based on a straw man of falsehood instead of on his own merits.
Wanting community and seeking acceptance is something we all desire as humans. Some of us seek it out productively, others, like myself, create it through often grandiose fictions. Why? It’s our way of coping. Somewhere along the line we stopped believing in ourselves, so we created better versions of ourselves — not better, different. These different versions give us confidence to move forward and the ability to press through challenging endeavors most people would shy away from.
How do we manage? We have no choice. If we don’t live up to the lies, they’re worthless, and by association, we’re worthless. This is our greatest lie to ourselves. I’ve now spoken with enough pathological liars to know this is the common through line. So, pathological liars do in fact accomplish extraordinary things. But, these things will take their toll on everyone around us because we become blinded by ambition. In such, we are actually highly effective members of the workforce, totally misunderstood by society, and credit our earned success to the character we have created. It’s really all very sad when you step away from it to see the whole picture.
In a world that is no longer tolerating deception, it is terrifying to those of us who cannot help weave fiction into fact. Santos’ choice to take office instead of full accountability puts us at a further disservice.
Pathological lying is very real. It’s not something born from insidious intent. And it’s not something done to wreak havoc and cause pain — although those things do often occur as a result. It’s a pathology: a disease.
Anyone who has experienced this intimately knows that compulsive lying is not so different from an addiction that takes on its own life after indulged time and again. Eventually, the lies become your reality, and sense of self. Being stripped of that reality is indescribably excruciating, but it is the first step towards getting better.
Whether Santos will ever publicly subscribe to the camp of compulsive lying I don’t know. It’s not good for business, I can tell you that. What I also know is it takes incredible humility and resilience to step into the light while holding the hand of your illness. There is so much stigma and ignorance when it comes to mental health. People are quick to judge. The state of social unrest in this country demands culpability without compassion. And I think that is wrong.
Empathy is exactly what we need when it comes to mental health — not much has changed in the field from an outfacing perspective. People have various medicines shoved down their throats to numb them without understanding the root of their disorders or the full spectrum of treatment. Most mental health facilities are overcrowded, understaffed and stripped for funding. Few scholastic institutions educate their student populace on the importance of curating good mental health and even fewer employers have mental health accommodations in place for their employees.
Yes, people should be answerable to their actions. But, people should not be condemned for illness.
Christopher Massimine was managing director of the Pioneer Theatre Company at the University of Utah from 2019 to 2021. He resigned when FOX 13 and The Salt Lake Tribune reported that his resume included several false claims about his personal and professional history.
from The Salt Lake Tribune https://ift.tt/7DtM1hT
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